To My Hater: Thank You for Your Mean Mail!



The instant I read his ugly note, I wondered, "Who is this? I don’t recognize his name. Why would he say that about me? That’s just mean!"

Have you ever found mean mail in your inbox or an ugly note on your social media post? That type of correspondence can be a little unsettling.


Once every couple of years, someone with an ax to grind lashes out at me. But this time I didn’t feel like I have in the past, fearful or anxious. In fact, I responded to the latest hate mail in a manner that might surprise you. A few years ago, it would’ve surprised even me.

My videos are on YouTube and social media. My articles are available to practically the entire world. Any of us who speak on a public platform can become the targets of ugly words and meanness. It just goes with the territory.

In the past, receiving mean mail upset me, but not this time. Now, I’m feeling grateful for something that I didn’t realize I would be grateful for. So, I'd like to express my gratitude to my non-fan.

Mr Hater, THANK YOU for giving me the opportunity to examine my heart and to ask the hard questions: Do I love only those who love me and not love those who hate me?

The answer to those questions is that I don’t really know, only God knows. But I have been trying to show more care and empathy toward those who are vindictive and inciters of hate.

There’s still heart work to do. Some days caring about haters is just easier than it is at other times. But I’m gaining ground and I am not taking everything said to me as personally as I used to.

It has helped me to keep in mind that many people are under enormous stress and their perspectives are impaired by something, such as their personal pain, depression, struggle, or propaganda delirium, and some people just have a value system different than my own.


In parting, I have something else to say to my non-fan.

Mr. Hater, I prayed for you and I asked God to heal you. I sincerely hope that you discover your purpose. May God enable you to fulfill it.

Said from my heart and sincerely prayed.


I appreciate every one of you who have reached out to me with something positively wonderful to say. Your notes are reassurances that my work is not in vain. Thank You.


Please take to heart that there is too much good in the world to allow the bad to occupy real estate in your minds. Don’t dwell on the hateful and their actions. Look at all the beautiful things that people all over the world are doing to bless and help others.

I’m unfazed by Mr. Hater’s words, only because (after the initial shock) I decided to care about his wellbeing. That was my big step forward in being less self-focused and being more like Christ. If you’re not there yet, don’t bash yourself.


Be kind to you, because loving like God loves is the journey we’re all on. It doesn’t come easily for any of us. But if we are willing, we will become kinder and more empathetic towards everyone, including those who send us ugly notes and mean mail.


Love & Blessings,

Pamela Koefoed

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